It’s not what you say but how you say it that is important when talking to women.
Most guys get completely wrapped up in WHAT they’re saying, they don’t realize that it doesn’t matter at all. Stop. Not even in the slightest. I’m serious.
What DOES matter is HOW you say something — and to get that right, you’ve got to learn to LISTEN all over again.
Classic pick-up lines?
What do the following sentences have in common?
“Do you know what that means?”
“Are you thirsty?”
“Ew. Stop touching me! Go over there somewhere.”
“I have interesting eyes, don’t you think?”
Got it? Give up? Want the answer?
They’ve all been used successfully as openers for talking to women.
So, other than that, what have they got in common? What is it that makes an opener successful? What makes these things the master pick-up lines in the world?
In fact, there are THOUSANDS of other lines that are”better.”
And those same THOUSANDS of other lines are also”worse.”
Am I losing you?
What do you say when you speak?
If so, it’s because you’re thinking about the wrong thing entirely. You’re thinking that it’s the LINE which makes a pick-up line good or bad.
It’s not. It’s almost entirely the DELIVERY.
When we humans talk, 90% of our communication is non-verbal. About 60% is pure body physicality, 30% is inflection and vocal quality… and 10% is the words themselves.
You’ve probably heard some variant of that fact before, but I want you to stop and really THINK about it for a second.
For instance, that means that someone who is very good at observing and reading non-verbal language will understand a person speaking a foreign language BETTER than plenty of native speakers.
Oh, that person might not understand the train is coming at 4 o’clock. But the foreigner will know that the speaker is shy yet pissed off and all sorts of other emotions and attitudes while the native speaker only gets the time of the train.
Really, think about that.
Now, consider that women are, on average, 10 TIMES better than men at reading non-verbal language.
If you ponder that and truly let it sink in, you should feel a little naked right about now.
This means women are MUCH more in tune with what a person’s BODY is saying than men. Men tend to have better analytic minds, so we might squeeze a few more drops of meaning out of the verbal 10%, but it’s nowhere CLOSE to the 10 TIMES more that women are getting out of the non-verbal.
What does all that mean?
It REALLY doesn’t matter WHAT you’re saying, but HOW you’re saying it. Women are better at and more interested in reading the non-verbal than the verbal. The words hardly matter at all — they’re just a vehicle to see how you speak.
So what is it you need to be concerned about then?
Yes, brilliant. Not what you say, but HOW you say it.
Now that you’re scared out of your wits realizing that you’ve had little to no control over what you’re ACTUALLY saying when you speak (it’s also much harder to lie with body language), let’s make some changes.
First, there’s no finding that says women are better at non-verbal listening than men. Sure, it might be some of it, but a LOT is cultural. The way we play when we’re young, the way we learn when we’re old, the expectations and lessons adults give us, things like that.
So even if you’re an average guy and only 10% the non-verbal listener of just about every woman out there, you can CHANGE THAT.
And you should.
The benefits are enormous. Like here’s an easy example: you won’t have to wonder if a woman likes you NEARLY as much. Because they ALWAYS are giving non-verbal communication one way or the other — and the better you are at listening, the better you’ll understand.
But on top of that and hundreds of other things like it, you’ll also become more attuned to what you’re SAYING. You’ll better observe what others are”saying”when they have success, and you’ll better incorporate the non-verbal”sentences”into your own language.
So how do you go about this?
You need to become a master observer. Pay CAREFUL attention to body language and intonation as you watch people interact, and see what happens in each case.
You know confidence attracts women. Well, pick out a guy you can sense confidence in, and then parse out what he’s doing which TELEGRAPHS that confidence.
You know women like playfulness and fun. Pick out the fun guy and figure out WHAT HE’S DOING that makes him fun. Don’t stop at wittiness, this is much deeper stuff.
Now, I can tell you some things — and they’ll be things you think “I know that” to — but this’ll work MUCH better if you OBSERVE and MIMIC.
This isn’t Book Learning
I can tell you to stand up straight. Works a lot better when you see someone walking around with good posture to imitate, much more meaningful.
I can tell you not to break eye contact, but you might have little mini-flinches around your eyes if you don’t see an example of a confident, relaxed gaze, with the wisp of a smile suggesting mishievousness.
I can tell you not to fidget, but you might still be moving in a fidgety herky-jerky fashion if you don’t observe examples of the slow, fluid movements of a man comfortable in his own skin.
So don’t look here for a formula – I could give you one, but it wouldn’t get you very far. You need to SEE this stuff, and to see it you need to learn to OBSERVE.
And stop worrying about the lines you use. They don’t matter, get it? All that matters is the delivery, the relaxed playful confidence you project with your every motion. If you have that, you could say – literally – anything, and you’d get a positive response. Or”say”nothing. It’s all going to be about how you move, how you act – how you ARE, not what words you combine. Time to think about all this in a new way.